Friday, January 28, 2011

The Lists

I suppose I should have just put these in the original post, but since Megan asked – here are the original grad-student lists, as they were posted to Usenet in 1995. Apparently I miscounted – there are 38 items total, not 37. All other additions to this subject I can only wish I had written.

Two things:

First, identifying universities by their internet domains was more of an accomplishment in 1995, when those domains were fairly new and uncommon, than it has since become.

And second, I have actually done all of these things or had them happen to me. Yes, I am a walking, breathing stereotype. It says so right on my CV.


List the First:

Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 19:02:07 -0500
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: You just might be a grad student

You just might be a grad student if: can identify universities by their internet domains. are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes. understand jokes about Foucoult.
...the concept of free time scares you. consider caffeine to be a major food group.'ve ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.
...Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.
...the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway.'ve ever travelled across two state lines specifically to go to a library. appreciate the fact that you get to choose *which* twenty hours out of the day you have to work. still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll get over it). can read course books and cook at the same time. schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come. hope it snows during spring break so you can get more studying in.'ve ever worn out a library card. find taking notes in a park relaxing. find yourself citing sources in conversation.'ve ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.

List the Second:

Date: Fri, 5 May 1995 21:36:59 -0500
Newsgroups: alt.grad-student.tenured
Subject: Re: You're A Grad Student if...

You just might be a graduate student if... can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read. have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar. rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline. have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event. have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours." actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche. can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library. look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes. regard ibuprofen as a vitamin. consider all papers to be works in progress.
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore. find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text. have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area. have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

On Commencement Day, I said to my major advisor that maybe I'd go for my PhD. I thought the hoods looked cool.
He said that it would cause a lot less heartache, sweat and tears to just rent the outfit.
I'm glad I never went the grad school route.