Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Get Thee Behind Me, Girl Scouts

I am awash in Girl Scout Cookies.

They are everywhere. Boxes of them, all neatly crated up and calling out to me with their siren sugary voices, urging me to forget about the people who actually ordered them, forget about dividing them up into bags so they can be delivered, and go ahead and eat them now. For breakfast.

Must. Resist. Temptation.

You would think I'd be better at this. It happens every year, after all. The girls go out and about the neighborhood with me in the background, hitting up the neighbors for some fundraising. Kim drops off the order forms in strategic locations around Home Campus for people to sign up. Orders roll in.  And my office turns into a place that could induce diabetes at a distance of a hundred paces.

To make that even better, sometime later this week there will be more orders coming in – the “second chance” order that I turned in last night when the girls and I went down to pick up the first chance order.

Cruelty, thy name is Girl Scouts.

I will be good. I will not rip open a box of Thin Mints and eat an entire sleeve of cookies in one breath, as they were clearly meant by Nature and Nature's God to be eaten. I will not snarf up a box of Peanut Butter Patties despite their uncanny resemblance to the Tastykakes of my youth. I will not open up a package of that new kind – the one with the chocolate, the one that comes in a tube rather than a box – just to see what it is like.

Okay, maybe just one.


Eric said...

You know, of course, that Girl Scout cookies freeze very well if you want to buy a hundred extra boxes for later.

Wait, that's not helpful, is it?

David said...

Later? What is this "later" you speak of?

Megan said...


David said...

Two words: "shipping costs."

And in your case, "customs."

It would be cruel to tempt you with cookies and then have to charge a ransom to get them to you.

I can still get more cookies, though, if you're truly interested... :)

Megan said...

Last year, I bought Girl Scout Cookies online from another blogger. When the box arrived, it had been opened and some of the Trefoils were missing. (Really.) Those Customs guys ate my cookies!

I am pretty sure they've changed some of the recipes since I was a little girl who sold Girl Scout Cookies up and down the Shore Road. In particular, I remember Trefoils being thinner and more delicate.

Eric said...

Well, come on, Megan: to be fair, they had to make sure the cookies didn't have anthrax in them. So they tested one. Then they realized the wily terrorists would surely know that the first cookie would be tested by Customs, so they had to test the second cookie (Jimmy volunteered, again, brave lad, but Susan insisted he couldn't assume all the risk); but then (of course), the Customs Inspectors realized that the terrorists would know that the Customs Inspectors would know that the second cookie would be tested. Therefore, logically, they had to devise a random sampling system, one that distributed the risk among the various Inspectors present, all of them except Danny (who would have volunteered if the cookies had been Thin Mints, but, you know).

Naturally, they also had to test the carton of milk in the breakroom fridge at the same time. It might have gone bad. Somehow.

You should be grateful that these fine civil servants are keeping you safe, Megan. They risked their very lives for you--some of them two, three, even four times.