Thursday, February 23, 2017

31 Reasons Why I am a Better Citizen than Donald Trump

1. I pay my taxes and am a contributing member of society.

2. I have read and understood the Constitution.

3. I know how to do my job.

4. I understand that “the opposite of the Nazis” is generally the proper moral and political stance.

5. Grammar.

6. I know for a fact that Americans should not be treated as second-class citizens in their own country.

7. There is no possibility that I am currently on the payroll of any foreign government.

8. I know that education is the foundation of American prosperity.

9. I understand the important and necessary role that immigrants have in creating and maintaining American society and industry.

10. When I make a promise, I actually keep it.

11. I have never employed anyone whose sole job was to keep me distracted enough that I wouldn’t cause an international incident out of a juvenile need to be the center of attention.

12. I am not working to destroy the federal government.

13. I have never advocated sexual assault.

14. I can follow a coherent train of thought to its logical conclusion, make rational arguments, and weigh actual evidence.

15. I am a member in good standing of the Reality-Based Community.

16. The federal government is not spending millions of dollars to protect family members who refuse to live with me.

17. I have not spent more than half of my working hours doing things other than my job.

18. I have a demonstrated capacity to learn.

19. I have never billed my employer for personal travel.

20. I am aware that bullying the vulnerable is a sign of weakness, not strength.

21. My faith is not politically motivated or economically expedient, nor is that of my supporters.

22. I pay people who do work for me.

23. Having actual principles enables me to resist agreeing with whoever happens to speak to me most recently.

24. I am not willing to see Americans die to finance a tax cut for the wealthy.

25. No Scotsman has ever had any reason to call me a cockwomble.

26. I have never committed an impeachable offense.

27. It is not my habit to piss off people who can destroy the entire American economy anytime they want to.

28. I am not insecure enough to play silly handshake games with grown men.

29. I can count.

30. I am actually concerned about what the world will look like when I am gone and it belongs to the next generation.

31. I avoid white supremacists rather than employ them.


James A. Brown said...

If I win a contest, I don't insist that I would have won by even more if my opponent hadn't cheated.

If I'm caught in a lie, I don't shrug and say that the issue doesn't really matter.

I don't express my sexual attraction toward my children.

David said...


Thanks for keeping that going. I hope others will follow your lead. :)

Tom said...

I have never barred a journalist from attending a press conference with me.

David said...

I'll bet you can tell the difference between a journalist and a babbling fool, too. Score one more!

Janiece said...

I don't publicly defend the size of my genitals in an effort to boost my self-esteem.

Janiece said...

When I was charged with the defense of national secrets, I did not wantonly reveal them in public spaces.

Janiece said...

I have not gotten into a public feud with the head of a foreign government over whether or not said government would pay for my bigotry and racism.

Janiece said...

I do not throw temper tantrums when I am publicly mocked, when such mocking is part of the normal culture of my job.

Janiece said...

I do not claim experience I do not have, nor do I feel a need to inflate my own success to feed my ego.

Really - I could go on for days.

David said...

He is a target-rich environment for this sort of thing, isn't he?