Tuesday, April 12, 2016

You've Got Mail!

And so, as if on cue, here come the lawyers.

I was involved in that little fender-bender two weeks ago now, precisely to the day.  Two vehicles traveling a grand combined total of maybe 12 miles per hour collided, causing minor (if expensive) damage to my car and minor (though of unknown expense) damage to the other vehicle, and from all appearances exactly zero other consequences aside from making Tabitha late for school and confirming my general feeling that 2016 can bite my shiny metal ass.

On the plus side, I got my car back from the shop today.  It's lovely!  And cleaner than it has been in years, or at least it was until Lauren and I took it to the barn to feed the chickens not an hour later.  The shop even fixed the third brake light that I almost got ticketed for a month ago, and at no charge.  I am good to go.

On the down side, today I got my second solicitation from attorneys unknown to me, offering to sue whomever I wished to sue in order to profit from this adventure.  I’m sure there are more coming.  Seriously – this is the United States, the country that invented the frivolous lawsuit and turned it into an art form.  Our entire political system is now based on that model.  Of course there are more solicitations coming.

I’m sure they got my name and address by scouring accident reports, since there is one of those on file with the local police.  It’s public information.

I’m just impressed with the cold-blooded efficiency of it all, I guess.

I could take them up on their generous offer to file legal claims against anyone and everyone who might conceivably have their wallets tapped in connection with this, from the other driver to the manufacturers of both vehicles to the public school district for requiring me to be on the road at that particular moment to Big Tobacco because by now they’re probably used to being sued and would probably settle out of court for what to me would be a substantial amount but would be pocket change to them, just to make the whole thing go away.

But then I would be part of the problem.

I’m part of many problems already.  Adding to that seems gratuitous.

So the solicitations go into the recycling bin where they will eventually turn into something more beneficial to society, such as mulch, and I go on with my life hoping to do the same at some point.  Maybe not as mulch, though as a matter of last resort I suppose that wouldn’t be a bad legacy.  We’ll see.


Lee I said...

Gosh, I hope the person you collided with doesn't succumb to the blandishments that are probably coming his/her way to sue you and all your heirs.

David said...

I hope not as well. But a) he seemed like a decent guy, and b) he got the ticket, not me. So I'm cautiously optimistic.