1. We’re coming to the end of the summer and starting tomorrow I’m back on contract down at Home Campus. There are events planned for pretty much every day this week, and we don’t even start classes until September. It was a quick summer.
2. On the plus side, the weather for the last week or so has been nice – not too hot, and no storms that have required warnings (at least not here in Our Little Town). In a world on fire, every day closer to November where it doesn’t hit 90F (33C) is a good day.
3. Why do all the states in the upper midwest have new black and white alternative license plates? Is this supposed to be cool? Hip? Vaguely menacing? If so, do people know that you can put one of those on a Prius, which sort of misses the point? And yes, the sort of Edgelord Dork who owns a Cybertruck is the perfect market for one of these but there is no saving that situation so they can do what they want. There is a certain amount of freedom in owning a Wankpanzer, I suppose – you can’t fall off the floor. But for the rest of us, what is the attraction of these silent-movie plates? I see them all over these days.
4. We’ve been going to Ethnic Festivals of late. Yesterday was the Ukrainian Festival up in Madison. A couple of Fridays ago was the Irish Festival in Milwaukee. They were both fun in different ways, and if you ever get a chance to see SuperCéilí in concert you absolutely should go. I suspect they are a live band rather than one you should listen to on recordings, but they’re quite an experience. The thing that is perhaps most striking about these festivals is how utterly American they are. Americans identify as their heritage in a way that people who actually live in those heritage countries find bizarre and frankly rather irritating, but that’s what you get from a country founded and built by immigrants. Now if we can only get the white supremacists currently running our government to understand this we’d all be a lot better off.
5. The garden keeps producing produce and something, he said, must be done with it. Kim is enjoying her tomatoes and zucchini. I made a batch of raspberry-jalapeño jam today that I’m looking forward to trying. The jalapeño jelly I made last week is finally starting to set – I think I guessed wrong on whether 1.5lb of jalapeños meant before or after stemming/seeding weight, but it looks like it will sort itself out. And yet there are at least 2kg of jalapeños still out there in the garden, waiting to be turned into something. Fortunately our jalapeños will not cause disease or death!
6. It occurred to me on Thursday that I had volunteered to give a couple of presentations for the Mother Ship’s public speaker series in October – a series that I have enjoyed participating in over the years. No problem, thought I, I already have most of the talk prepared and all I need to do is update and edit it. And when exactly did I agree to this? Oh. Oh my. I’ve been pressed into service for a class down at Home Campus at that time, so I’m hoping this can be resolved.
7. Sometimes you get an email from a student or even several emails from multiple different students and – as the late and much lamented Molly Ivins used to say – it’s kind of like finding Fidel Castro in your refrigerator. Hard to know what to think. I suspect, however, that in some ways it is going to be a very long year.
8. The Premier League season is underway, without my Wolves but so be it. Only six more weeks until hockey starts up again. We will hold onto and celebrate these bits of cyclical normalcy for as long as we can.
9. I have been working on a very long and well documented rant for about a month now, and eventually it will come out. The problem is that I find myself very tired of a lot of things right now. It is very tempting to fold in and let the world do its thing without me, but the problem with that is that the things the world chooses to do when you stop paying attention to it are very seldom the things that you or anyone with more than six working brain cells would want it to do. We press on.
10. When it happens, the world will celebrate in ways that will be utterly inappropriate, borderline obscene, and without any shred of remorse or shame whatsoever and I fully intend to take part. And I don’t even have to specify what it is, do I?
Sunday, August 23, 2026
Monday, August 17, 2026
Canning the Day Away
I spent much of today not really doing any of the things I was supposed to be doing.
It’s the last week of my summer, after all.
And while there is the inconvenient fact that I still have a laundry-list of tasks that I was supposed to accomplish before the academic contract year started up again, the joy of inconvenient facts is that human beings are naturally wired to erect SEP fields over them and go on about their days. So I did not get anything done on my new class that has to be ready by January. I did not do anything for any of the various work projects that my job would like me to complete, since I am only getting paid to work two days per week and today wasn’t one of them. I did not even consider any household tasks, since none of them have risen to the level of a crisis yet.
Those tasks will still be there tomorrow, of course. They don’t go away. But not today.
Instead, I spent a fair chunk of the day making jalapeño jelly.
If you’ve never had jalapeño jelly, you should. It’s not that hot, usually – the sugar in it does a good job of knocking back the heat so mostly you get the flavor of the pepper – and if you spread it on crackers with some cream cheese it is just the most wonderful stuff in the world. Kim always plants jalapeño peppers in the garden to get me to pay attention to it, so we have them in quantity. We do not need to rely on the various Corporate Jalepeños that are being recalled for contamination with typhus, diphtheria, dancing sickness, malaria, ague, or CRS these days because we have our very own growing right here at the house!
I went out this morning and picked about two pounds (about 900g) of peppers, which to be honest barely made a dent in the supply so I will likely have to repeat this process in a week or two. The recipe calls for 3/4 of a pound and I wanted a double recipe, but I figured once I cut off the tops and removed the seeds it would come to about 1.5lbs and, surprisingly, it did almost exactly.
Cutting them was its own challenge, of course.
It’s the last week of my summer, after all.
And while there is the inconvenient fact that I still have a laundry-list of tasks that I was supposed to accomplish before the academic contract year started up again, the joy of inconvenient facts is that human beings are naturally wired to erect SEP fields over them and go on about their days. So I did not get anything done on my new class that has to be ready by January. I did not do anything for any of the various work projects that my job would like me to complete, since I am only getting paid to work two days per week and today wasn’t one of them. I did not even consider any household tasks, since none of them have risen to the level of a crisis yet.
Those tasks will still be there tomorrow, of course. They don’t go away. But not today.
Instead, I spent a fair chunk of the day making jalapeño jelly.
If you’ve never had jalapeño jelly, you should. It’s not that hot, usually – the sugar in it does a good job of knocking back the heat so mostly you get the flavor of the pepper – and if you spread it on crackers with some cream cheese it is just the most wonderful stuff in the world. Kim always plants jalapeño peppers in the garden to get me to pay attention to it, so we have them in quantity. We do not need to rely on the various Corporate Jalepeños that are being recalled for contamination with typhus, diphtheria, dancing sickness, malaria, ague, or CRS these days because we have our very own growing right here at the house!
I went out this morning and picked about two pounds (about 900g) of peppers, which to be honest barely made a dent in the supply so I will likely have to repeat this process in a week or two. The recipe calls for 3/4 of a pound and I wanted a double recipe, but I figured once I cut off the tops and removed the seeds it would come to about 1.5lbs and, surprisingly, it did almost exactly.
Cutting them was its own challenge, of course.
Finding all of the supplies was another challenge, since most of them were in the basement. Lots of things are in the basement. Many of them are actually supposed to be there. Sorting through it all to find specific things can be a trick, in part because one is constantly making exciting discoveries and getting sidetracked.
I was smart enough to do most of the processing outside so as not to blister the paint and render the air inside the house hazardous. You never know with jalapeños. They’re not the hottest pepper in the world, but they have quite a range of heat depending on soil, climate, or even just what’s planted next to them. Sometimes they can be rather aggressive.
There’s a lot of hurry up and wait with canning. You have to sterilize your jars (though I discovered that if you process them long enough you don’t, actually). You have to get all the ingredients together into a pot and then boil them for a while. You have to get a giant pot full of water and bring that to a boil. You have to take the boiled ingredients and ladle them into little jars, which takes a surprising amount of time. You have to boil those jars for an extended while, as noted. You have to get the jars out of the boiling water and onto something where they can cool and then get the next batch of jars in, whereupon the process repeats.
They’re all done now – 14 half-pint (roughly 240ml) jars, sitting on my dining room table cooling into jelly.
I have crackers. I have cream cheese.
And I have tomorrow to worry about all the things I didn’t get done today.
Tuesday, August 11, 2026
The Ghost in the Machine
When you do enough genealogy, you end up with ghosts in the machine.
My brother has joined me in genealogy this summer and it’s been a lot of fun to have a co-conspirator to share these things with. We’ve been pushing back the frontiers of the Italian side of the family – both the Basilicata side and the Sicilian side. We’ve been digging into Italian and Philadelphia records, haunting FamilySearch and Ancestry, and – in his case – calling older relatives to get their stories. We’re having a good time.
Right now, though, the big mystery is Serafina, my grandmother’s grandmother.
We know she married our great-great-grandfather Giuseppe in 1872, five or six years before my great-grandfather Antonio was born, depending on which document listing his birth date you look at. We have the Sicilian marriage record. 19th-century Italians kept surprisingly good records, if you know where to look and how to read them. The marriage record also lists their ages at marriage and the names of all of their parents, so there are a lot of clues for how to proceed if we want to keep moving back in time.
But here is the thing.
One of the family stories that my grandmother told both of us, repeatedly, in slightly different but mostly compatible versions, was that her grandmother died in an earthquake in Sicily. The story goes that she was trapped in a building, calling for rescue, but by the time they could get to her it was too late. In the version my grandmother generally told me, her last words were “Too late, I’m dead,” and then she died. In the version she told my mother and Keith, there were a few things said in addition to that, but not many.
The story continues that my great-great-grandmother’s sister then married Giuseppe, who was apparently not a very nice person. She secretly saved up money from the household budget and used it to send Antonio to the US in 1900. His future wife (Antonina) followed in 1907.
Legend has it that Antonina was the family cook back in Sicily, which would imply that Giuseppe had some money to be able to have a cook. My grandmother said he was a lemon grower, which makes sense – that sort of thing was not unusual in Sicily and you had to own land to do it, which meant having some money. Antonina and Antonio married in Philadelphia pretty much the moment she got off the boat – I found the marriage certificate from the Orphan’s Court, which did not have the wait time for marriages that the Catholic Church would have had at the time. They were married for two decades before Antonio died.
The great irony of this is that my mother grew up with Antonina in one of those tight-knit Little Italy neighborhoods that abounded in eastern US cities in the early and mid-20th century. She and my uncle would go over to her house for meals during the school year when they were kids, and by my mother’s account Antonina was a lousy cook. “Well,” my grandmother told my mother once, “she was better when she was younger.”
So far this is a pretty straightforward story. Serafina would probably be the one who died in the earthquake, and her sister would become Antonio’s step-mother. Except that Antonio’s death certificate lists as the witness providing all of the information: Serafina.
So who died in the earthquake? And who was the step-mother?
The witness on Antonio’s death certificate could be a different, perhaps related Serafina. Italian families tended to use the same four or five names unless forced to improvise by circumstances, and in the small hilltop villages of southern Italy and Sicily the supply of surnames was similarly limited. They tended to intermarry. If this is the case, then the earthquake and step-mother story stays as we know it, and we add another Serafina into the mix.
But there is a chance it’s the same Serafina, who would have been 82 at the time – not out of the question even in the 1920s. In which case either the earthquake and step-mother story doesn’t hold water or Serafina was the second marriage for Giuseppe. They were both 27 when they got married, after all, which is fairly old for a first marriage in 19th-century Sicily.
And that’s where the story stops. We’ve found a fair number of references to Serafina in other people’s research but no actual documents for any Serafina, whether different or the same, and at this point I’m fairly convinced it’s just the same unsupported conjectures being passed from tree to tree. The address she listed on Antonio’s death certificate was not one where she was living in 1920, according to the census – I went to the original documents in that enumeration district and found an Irish family living there. Indeed the whole neighborhood was Irish, which does call into question whether that was an actual address or just something she wrote down to write something down on this bit of paperwork. I come from a long line of people with little to no respect for official bureaucracy so I honestly can’t rule that out.
We haven’t found her in the Italian records after Antonio’s birth. There’s nobody by that name in Philadelphia between 1900 and 1940 that I’ve been able to find (and here is a really good time to note that Ancestry’s search engine does a very poor job of looking for what you ask it to look for, so bear that in mind).
She is a mystery, our very own ghost in the machine. At least for now.
We’re still looking, and at some point perhaps we’ll find her. Or both of them, if they are different people.
And won’t that be a time.
My brother has joined me in genealogy this summer and it’s been a lot of fun to have a co-conspirator to share these things with. We’ve been pushing back the frontiers of the Italian side of the family – both the Basilicata side and the Sicilian side. We’ve been digging into Italian and Philadelphia records, haunting FamilySearch and Ancestry, and – in his case – calling older relatives to get their stories. We’re having a good time.
Right now, though, the big mystery is Serafina, my grandmother’s grandmother.
We know she married our great-great-grandfather Giuseppe in 1872, five or six years before my great-grandfather Antonio was born, depending on which document listing his birth date you look at. We have the Sicilian marriage record. 19th-century Italians kept surprisingly good records, if you know where to look and how to read them. The marriage record also lists their ages at marriage and the names of all of their parents, so there are a lot of clues for how to proceed if we want to keep moving back in time.
But here is the thing.
One of the family stories that my grandmother told both of us, repeatedly, in slightly different but mostly compatible versions, was that her grandmother died in an earthquake in Sicily. The story goes that she was trapped in a building, calling for rescue, but by the time they could get to her it was too late. In the version my grandmother generally told me, her last words were “Too late, I’m dead,” and then she died. In the version she told my mother and Keith, there were a few things said in addition to that, but not many.
The story continues that my great-great-grandmother’s sister then married Giuseppe, who was apparently not a very nice person. She secretly saved up money from the household budget and used it to send Antonio to the US in 1900. His future wife (Antonina) followed in 1907.
Legend has it that Antonina was the family cook back in Sicily, which would imply that Giuseppe had some money to be able to have a cook. My grandmother said he was a lemon grower, which makes sense – that sort of thing was not unusual in Sicily and you had to own land to do it, which meant having some money. Antonina and Antonio married in Philadelphia pretty much the moment she got off the boat – I found the marriage certificate from the Orphan’s Court, which did not have the wait time for marriages that the Catholic Church would have had at the time. They were married for two decades before Antonio died.
The great irony of this is that my mother grew up with Antonina in one of those tight-knit Little Italy neighborhoods that abounded in eastern US cities in the early and mid-20th century. She and my uncle would go over to her house for meals during the school year when they were kids, and by my mother’s account Antonina was a lousy cook. “Well,” my grandmother told my mother once, “she was better when she was younger.”
So far this is a pretty straightforward story. Serafina would probably be the one who died in the earthquake, and her sister would become Antonio’s step-mother. Except that Antonio’s death certificate lists as the witness providing all of the information: Serafina.
So who died in the earthquake? And who was the step-mother?
The witness on Antonio’s death certificate could be a different, perhaps related Serafina. Italian families tended to use the same four or five names unless forced to improvise by circumstances, and in the small hilltop villages of southern Italy and Sicily the supply of surnames was similarly limited. They tended to intermarry. If this is the case, then the earthquake and step-mother story stays as we know it, and we add another Serafina into the mix.
But there is a chance it’s the same Serafina, who would have been 82 at the time – not out of the question even in the 1920s. In which case either the earthquake and step-mother story doesn’t hold water or Serafina was the second marriage for Giuseppe. They were both 27 when they got married, after all, which is fairly old for a first marriage in 19th-century Sicily.
And that’s where the story stops. We’ve found a fair number of references to Serafina in other people’s research but no actual documents for any Serafina, whether different or the same, and at this point I’m fairly convinced it’s just the same unsupported conjectures being passed from tree to tree. The address she listed on Antonio’s death certificate was not one where she was living in 1920, according to the census – I went to the original documents in that enumeration district and found an Irish family living there. Indeed the whole neighborhood was Irish, which does call into question whether that was an actual address or just something she wrote down to write something down on this bit of paperwork. I come from a long line of people with little to no respect for official bureaucracy so I honestly can’t rule that out.
We haven’t found her in the Italian records after Antonio’s birth. There’s nobody by that name in Philadelphia between 1900 and 1940 that I’ve been able to find (and here is a really good time to note that Ancestry’s search engine does a very poor job of looking for what you ask it to look for, so bear that in mind).
She is a mystery, our very own ghost in the machine. At least for now.
We’re still looking, and at some point perhaps we’ll find her. Or both of them, if they are different people.
And won’t that be a time.
Saturday, August 8, 2026
News and Updates
1. Kim and I went over to City Hall yesterday here in Our Little Town and voted in next week’s primary elections. They let you do early in-person voting in Wisconsin and it’s a good way to make sure that no right-wing voter suppression tactics are thrown in your general direction on election day. Remember, folks! If casting your ballot didn’t matter the GOP wouldn’t be trying so hard to stop you from doing it, so get out there and vote.
2. It has come as a great surprise to my family that I have never actually ridden a horse. It’s as if I told them that I have never put on shoes. How can you not have done that? Everyone has done that! Except me, apparently. In my defense, horses were not that common in the suburbs of Philadelphia when I was growing up and getting access to the ones that did exist required far more ancestral wealth than my family possessed. I do not feel particularly deprived by this lack of experience, however, and I have no current plans to change my horse-riding status.
3. My brother has been bitten hard by the genealogy bug and now I have a co-conspirator. We are having a grand time pushing the Italian side of our heritage back into the 19th century together. It turns out that Italy has digitized a surprising number of records that you can have access to for free if you are willing to go to the Italian archives online and translate them on your own. You can also find a lot of them on FamilySearch, which for this purpose is actually more effective than the paid subscription version over at Ancestry. We have made some interesting discoveries, not least of which being that 19th-century Italian families tended to have a lot of children and then gave them all the same five names, sometimes multiple times in a generation. Couple that with the prevalence of small hilltop villages with a maximum of eleven surnames that got traded back and forth as people married, and it gets interesting.
4. We went up to Lauren’s old apartment today to do some spackling and whatever else needed to be done before the lease officially expires next week, but it looks like Aleksia and Anita have most of the move-out checklist well under control so we didn’t have too much to do. We had a lovely time with Aleksia, though, including a Thai lunch afterward. We’ll have to catch up with Anita another time.
5. We also heard from Lauren this morning and so far her latest Adventure seems to be going well. The pictures are lovely.
6. At some point it will no longer be construction season here in Baja Canada and we will be able to get from Point A (defined as our house) to Point B (defined as any example of most of the places we go) without having to go through Points C through L (defined as any of a number of increasingly desperate attempts to find a way to Point B that actually permit travel to occur). Today was not that day. Tomorrow does not look good either. On the plus side, the detour home was scenic.
7. Kim and I also spent an hour on a Zoom call with the Financial People last week. We have a new Financial Person as the old one has gone to wherever Financial People go when new opportunities arise (Houston?) and the new one wanted to go over things with us. There was also another Financial Person beaming in from an office in a whole other time zone because they do Different Financial Things than the more local Financial Person. All of this was so that we could discuss how Kim and I are set up for retirement, which is looming ever closer on the horizon. I gather that we are doing okay in that regard and will likely not have to live on peanut butter and raw oats once we leave our jobs, though to be honest after about fifteen minutes of Finance my eyes started to glaze over. This is why Kim was there, to understand all the things that just sound to me like the human equivalent of an old dial-up modem waiting to connect.
8. I also had a separate meeting with a different Financial Person earlier in the week because apparently I put $100 into a Roth IRA sometime around 2003 and promptly forgot about it and they wanted to know if I was still alive. Yes! More or less! Here I am, in all my glory. The account has been chugging along just fine without my intervention, it turns out, and while I was grateful to this Financial Person for letting me know about it we are going to consolidate it with the other Financial People because clearly I need someone who can keep track of all of these things at once and that someone is not me.
9. I am trying to read an actual work of history – all 789 pages of it – and it is going slowly. It is hard to read about the formation of the American republic while it is being actively torn down by its current government and all the termites who support this regime. But it’s well written and I’m enjoying it whenever I can sit down and focus on it.
10. The cat has been in Cling Mode the last couple of days and we thought she was just being affectionate but it turns out that the automatic feeder was empty and she was just sizing us up as sustenance. And being affectionate, because that’s who she is, but definitely sustenance as well. All is now restored and we may live to see another day.
2. It has come as a great surprise to my family that I have never actually ridden a horse. It’s as if I told them that I have never put on shoes. How can you not have done that? Everyone has done that! Except me, apparently. In my defense, horses were not that common in the suburbs of Philadelphia when I was growing up and getting access to the ones that did exist required far more ancestral wealth than my family possessed. I do not feel particularly deprived by this lack of experience, however, and I have no current plans to change my horse-riding status.
3. My brother has been bitten hard by the genealogy bug and now I have a co-conspirator. We are having a grand time pushing the Italian side of our heritage back into the 19th century together. It turns out that Italy has digitized a surprising number of records that you can have access to for free if you are willing to go to the Italian archives online and translate them on your own. You can also find a lot of them on FamilySearch, which for this purpose is actually more effective than the paid subscription version over at Ancestry. We have made some interesting discoveries, not least of which being that 19th-century Italian families tended to have a lot of children and then gave them all the same five names, sometimes multiple times in a generation. Couple that with the prevalence of small hilltop villages with a maximum of eleven surnames that got traded back and forth as people married, and it gets interesting.
4. We went up to Lauren’s old apartment today to do some spackling and whatever else needed to be done before the lease officially expires next week, but it looks like Aleksia and Anita have most of the move-out checklist well under control so we didn’t have too much to do. We had a lovely time with Aleksia, though, including a Thai lunch afterward. We’ll have to catch up with Anita another time.
5. We also heard from Lauren this morning and so far her latest Adventure seems to be going well. The pictures are lovely.
6. At some point it will no longer be construction season here in Baja Canada and we will be able to get from Point A (defined as our house) to Point B (defined as any example of most of the places we go) without having to go through Points C through L (defined as any of a number of increasingly desperate attempts to find a way to Point B that actually permit travel to occur). Today was not that day. Tomorrow does not look good either. On the plus side, the detour home was scenic.
7. Kim and I also spent an hour on a Zoom call with the Financial People last week. We have a new Financial Person as the old one has gone to wherever Financial People go when new opportunities arise (Houston?) and the new one wanted to go over things with us. There was also another Financial Person beaming in from an office in a whole other time zone because they do Different Financial Things than the more local Financial Person. All of this was so that we could discuss how Kim and I are set up for retirement, which is looming ever closer on the horizon. I gather that we are doing okay in that regard and will likely not have to live on peanut butter and raw oats once we leave our jobs, though to be honest after about fifteen minutes of Finance my eyes started to glaze over. This is why Kim was there, to understand all the things that just sound to me like the human equivalent of an old dial-up modem waiting to connect.
8. I also had a separate meeting with a different Financial Person earlier in the week because apparently I put $100 into a Roth IRA sometime around 2003 and promptly forgot about it and they wanted to know if I was still alive. Yes! More or less! Here I am, in all my glory. The account has been chugging along just fine without my intervention, it turns out, and while I was grateful to this Financial Person for letting me know about it we are going to consolidate it with the other Financial People because clearly I need someone who can keep track of all of these things at once and that someone is not me.
9. I am trying to read an actual work of history – all 789 pages of it – and it is going slowly. It is hard to read about the formation of the American republic while it is being actively torn down by its current government and all the termites who support this regime. But it’s well written and I’m enjoying it whenever I can sit down and focus on it.
10. The cat has been in Cling Mode the last couple of days and we thought she was just being affectionate but it turns out that the automatic feeder was empty and she was just sizing us up as sustenance. And being affectionate, because that’s who she is, but definitely sustenance as well. All is now restored and we may live to see another day.
Tuesday, August 4, 2026
Comfort and Adventure
There are worse things to be than uncomfortable.
I am a firm believer in comfort, it has to be said. Comfort is a rare and fleeting quality in this world, and people who insist that the only way to live is to get out of your comfort zone don’t seem to take into account how much effort goes into creating that comfort and how quickly it can vanish even in the best of times. It should be cherished, not scorned.
And yet there are times when it is worth it to be uncomfortable.
I am not an adventurous person. I have adventures, because I have learned to say yes and I’m willing to be uncomfortable, and it has been worth it. Some of those adventures are among my most treasured memories.
I have traveled, for example. For someone who once had to have the concept of “cabin fever” explained to him (“you mean I stay in my home with my stuff and nobody bothers me and this is a problem … why?”) I have been to a surprising number of places. Surprising to me, anyway. I’ve seen beautiful and amazing things, been to fascinating places, and met welcoming and lovely people along the way. I’ve had the good fortune to do all that with my family and to visit friends on the other end of those travels. I look forward to doing all of that again in the near future, revisiting old places and exploring new ones. And if there is always some discomfort lurking in the background so far from home, well, so be it. It’s a small price to pay for such experiences.
The experiences stick with me long after the discomfort fades away.
I make a good part of my living speaking in public, after all. That’s what teaching is, at least in part – standing in front of an audience and trying to get them to listen even when they don’t want to do so. It took me a long time to learn how to be comfortable doing that. It didn’t come naturally. And yet now I enjoy it. What discomfort I started with has long faded.
There is a certain amount of privilege in this position, I suppose.
Everybody has operating costs – how much energy it takes to live your life. Sometimes those costs exceed what people have available to get from one end of the day to the other and all you can do in that situation is hold on as best you can, borrow energy from your future, and hope things get better. Sometimes the costs and the expenses line up and that’s a comfortable place to be. And sometimes you have more than you need, and you can spend some of the surplus on things like being a little uncomfortable in a new place or a new situation, in the service of something larger. It is a good thing to have that surplus, and I’m grateful for it.
One of my favorite lines in cinema comes from Lawrence of Arabia. It’s early in the film, still at a point where the director is establishing just what sort of character T.E. Lawrence actually was. There are a couple of men in a tent (the almost total absence of women in this three-hour epic film is one of the most singular things in movie history) and one of them is trying (and failing) to extinguish a match with his fingers. Lawrence then puts it out by squeezing the flame between his fingers. The first guy tries to imitate that and then yelps.
“Oh! It damn well hurts!” he says.
“Of course it hurts,” Lawrence replies.
“What’s the trick, then.”
“The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.”
If you’re willing to be uncomfortable for a bit and able to pay that cost, the world is a more adventurous and interesting place. And that is a lesson worth learning.
I am a firm believer in comfort, it has to be said. Comfort is a rare and fleeting quality in this world, and people who insist that the only way to live is to get out of your comfort zone don’t seem to take into account how much effort goes into creating that comfort and how quickly it can vanish even in the best of times. It should be cherished, not scorned.
And yet there are times when it is worth it to be uncomfortable.
I am not an adventurous person. I have adventures, because I have learned to say yes and I’m willing to be uncomfortable, and it has been worth it. Some of those adventures are among my most treasured memories.
I have traveled, for example. For someone who once had to have the concept of “cabin fever” explained to him (“you mean I stay in my home with my stuff and nobody bothers me and this is a problem … why?”) I have been to a surprising number of places. Surprising to me, anyway. I’ve seen beautiful and amazing things, been to fascinating places, and met welcoming and lovely people along the way. I’ve had the good fortune to do all that with my family and to visit friends on the other end of those travels. I look forward to doing all of that again in the near future, revisiting old places and exploring new ones. And if there is always some discomfort lurking in the background so far from home, well, so be it. It’s a small price to pay for such experiences.
The experiences stick with me long after the discomfort fades away.
I make a good part of my living speaking in public, after all. That’s what teaching is, at least in part – standing in front of an audience and trying to get them to listen even when they don’t want to do so. It took me a long time to learn how to be comfortable doing that. It didn’t come naturally. And yet now I enjoy it. What discomfort I started with has long faded.
There is a certain amount of privilege in this position, I suppose.
Everybody has operating costs – how much energy it takes to live your life. Sometimes those costs exceed what people have available to get from one end of the day to the other and all you can do in that situation is hold on as best you can, borrow energy from your future, and hope things get better. Sometimes the costs and the expenses line up and that’s a comfortable place to be. And sometimes you have more than you need, and you can spend some of the surplus on things like being a little uncomfortable in a new place or a new situation, in the service of something larger. It is a good thing to have that surplus, and I’m grateful for it.
One of my favorite lines in cinema comes from Lawrence of Arabia. It’s early in the film, still at a point where the director is establishing just what sort of character T.E. Lawrence actually was. There are a couple of men in a tent (the almost total absence of women in this three-hour epic film is one of the most singular things in movie history) and one of them is trying (and failing) to extinguish a match with his fingers. Lawrence then puts it out by squeezing the flame between his fingers. The first guy tries to imitate that and then yelps.
“Oh! It damn well hurts!” he says.
“Of course it hurts,” Lawrence replies.
“What’s the trick, then.”
“The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.”
If you’re willing to be uncomfortable for a bit and able to pay that cost, the world is a more adventurous and interesting place. And that is a lesson worth learning.
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