Monday, June 10, 2024

A Look Toward November

Can we just take a moment and consider the fact that the guy being put forward by one of the only two major political parties we have as their candidate for the highest office in the land is scheduled to have a meeting with his parole officer today?

This is the so-called “party of law and order,” by the way. I suppose it makes sense to have a convicted felon still facing more than four dozen other felony charges in three different jurisdictions – including several that the United States has, in the past, executed people for – as your candidate if you define “law and order” to include “criminals,” but I’m not sure I would do that if it were up to me.

But Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump would like you to know that Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump is deeply offended by this whole thing, or at least those parts of it that he remembers when not falling asleep during his own criminal trial and those parts of it that he can recall through the haze of an increasingly obvious mental decline.

He spent a good few minutes shouting about sharks and electricity yesterday at a campaign stop in 110F/43C temperatures in Nevada, which likely went over well with his cult. But as for the rest of us, I’m not sure the nation would really be in good hands with a guy who thinks this counts as a campaign speech:

"...and it must be because of MIT my relationship to MIT very smart because I say what would happen if the boat sank from its weight and you're in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery and the battery is now under water and there's a shark that's approximately ten yards over there by the way lot of shark attacks lately notice that lot of shark attacks I watched some guys justifying it today WELL THEY WEREN'T REALLY THAT ANGRY THEY BIT OFF THE THE YOUNG LADY'S LEG BECAUSE of the fact that they were they were not hungry but they misunderstood what sushi was these people are great he said there's no problem with sharks they just didn't really understand a young woman's tsswimming (sic) now we really got decimated in other people too a lotta sharks so I said THERE'S A SHARK TEN YARDS AWAY from the boat TEN YARDS over here do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking water goes over the battery the boat is sinking do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted because I will tell you he didn't know the answer he said you know nobody has ever asked me that question I said I think it's a good question I think there's a lot of electric current coming through that water but you know what I'd do if there's a shark or you get electrocuted I'll take electrocution every single time I'M NOT GETTING NEAR THE SHARK so we can end that we can end it for boats we're gonna end it for trucks..."

Yes, that’s an actual transcription of his remarks. Go look it up yourself if you don’t believe me.

This is what happens with a cult, though. The Dear Leader – Convicted Felon though he is – can say whatever he wants and the minions just eat it up and tell you how brilliant he is.

The other thing about cults, though, is that they rarely have a succession plan for when the Dear Leader departs. The simple fact is that Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump is in his late 70s, morbidly obese, incontinent (did you see his minions selling t-shirts that said “Real Men Wear Diapers”? You can’t make this stuff up), and – all snark aside – obviously mentally ill. There is only one direction this goes, and the only question now is how much damage will Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump cause on the way down.

Because it can be a lot.

The election in November will be a one-issue event. Do you care about the survival of the American republic?

Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump wants you to answer no to that.

And that is all you need to know.

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