Credit

It appears that someone hijacked our credit card last month and bought a $37 subscription to a health and wellness program with it.

I’m not entirely sure of the logic there.

If they’re that concerned with their health and wellness, they should probably not be going out of their way to commit crimes as that sort of thing tends to lead to ill-health and a lack of wellness. But if they’re the sort of person who is happy with committing crimes I’m not sure why that’s the only thing they’d do with a hijacked credit card. It is an odd choice, is all I’m saying.

So I spoke with the Credit Card Company and we agreed that this was a fraudulent charge and should be removed, and then they reminded me that once you do that you have to get a new card. And this makes sense. I get it.

But this is right before the holidays, which is a prime credit-card-using period, and that just makes everything Fraught With Anxiety even more so than usual.

We did get the new cards eventually – they arrived on Thursday and we called to get them set up, so we’re good.

They’re really snazzy, these new cards. They have a chip in them. They have the little “tap to pay” thing that is now the default standard. There’s no raised numbers because nobody does the Cha-CHUNK thing with carbon paper receipts anymore, which I kind of miss but not really. I’m not even sure there’s a magnetic strip on this one – it’s kind of hard to tell, with the sleek graphic design the thing has – but fewer and fewer places ask for it so that may not be much of a concern. For all I know the card is actively reading my mind and has already paid for the next three things I plan to buy. That would not surprise me at all.


We are living in the future,

Tell you how I know,

I read it in the paper,

Fifteen years ago.

        (John Prine)


Of course on top of the holidays it is the end of the semester – or, in my case, semesters – which means I have had precious little time to deal with any of this, so I didn’t get around to trying to update my Amazon account until today.

It had already been updated.

I suppose in hindsight this makes a certain amount of sense – the card is linked to my Amazon account and accrues points that can be exchanged for Valuable Prizes, so I suppose they’d know if it got swapped out for a new card. But it was a disconcerting moment to realize just how surveilled I am in this corporate wonderland in which we live. Big Brother doesn’t care what you believe, it turns out. He just wants you to buy more stuff.

So we’ll see how this goes.

And to the person who is out there wondering why their health and wellness program got canceled, well, now you know. You are cordially invited to begin your own program, starting with some exercise. May I suggest a long walk off a short pier?

You’re welcome.