Saturday, February 16, 2019

Notes From the Lodge

I am surrounded by skiers.

They are all healthy and active and have strong calf muscles because they wear heavy boots.

They all eat more than the recommended daily servings of vegetables.  Every day.

I am trapped.

I should make a movie about this.

No - a symphony.

With lasers.

Can you have orchestra concerts with lasers?  Tchaikovsky had cannon.  Why not lasers?  Memo: look into this.

Memo: do not let brass section get hold of lasers.  Nothing good will come from that.

Wait - the skiers at the next table smuggled a 48oz bottle of ketchup into the lodge.  Must rethink attributed vegetable intake of skiers.  Unless ketchup is a vegetable?  Memo: find and ask nearest surviving Reagan.

Symphony will have percussion section made up entirely of boots and hollow wooden booths.  Maximum age: 5.

Skiers are not good at closing doors.  Lodge freezing.

Memo: lasers will double as room heaters.

Or as ways to vaporize people who hold doors open in February.

Depending on wattage of lasers.

Definitely keep out of hands of brass section.

There is enough down in this room to rebuild an entire flock of geese and still have enough left over to lose the cat.

And nylon.

All the coats are brightly colored.

Not sure if mating ritual or convenience for rescuers searching through snow banks.

Possibly both.  No logical reason to be mutually exclusive.

Newest trend: ski masks with pre-printed handlebar mustaches.  You read it here first!

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