Roman Holiday, Part 3: Things I Learned In Rome

1. The Sistine Chapel is bigger than you think. So is the Pantheon. Trevi Fountain is smaller than you think. The streets in Rome are smaller than you think, which means that the maps are bigger than you think and you will be constantly overshooting your target until you figure that out. The Circus Maximus is big but somehow still smaller than you think. The Basilica of St. Peter in the Vatican is a LOT bigger than you think. It’s even bigger than that. The Colosseum is about that size.

2. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to drive in Rome unless you are either a native Roman or a professionally trained stunt driver. Driving in Rome is a delicate choreography of tiny cars, narrow streets, unmarked lanes, steely aggression, and willful disregard for the rules of the road and the laws of physics. Amateurs will just get everyone killed.

3. This goes double for motorcyclists, who recognize no sovereignty but their own.

4. Pedestrians, however, are royalty. Cars will stop for you, no matter how fast they’re going. You just have to be brave enough to step out into the street and trust that those hurtling missiles will see you.

5. The food in Rome is astonishingly good no matter where you get it, but you’ll do better if you eat where the tourists aren’t – even if you are a tourist. Visit the tourist sites because that’s what you’re there to do but walk a few blocks and eat elsewhere. If nothing else it will be cheaper.

6. Our rule of thumb was that we tried not to eat at any restaurant where the menu had been translated out of Italian and into some other language, even if it wasn’t English. It led to some odd pantomiming when it came to ordering sometimes, but overall the food was its own reward. I will admit that we did not follow this rule 100% of the time, but – as noted above – the food in Rome is astonishingly good no matter where you get it so we didn’t suffer for it.

7. Romans do criminally wonderful things with pork. If there is a heaven after this life, it will serve guanciale.

8. Eat what you want. It would be absolutely irresponsible to be surrounded by such food and not try it all. If you’re worried about your weight, well, you can walk it off during your trip or you can worry about it when you get home.

9. Carbonara has no cream. This is not a matter of opinion. This is fact. Do not argue with it.

10. Bring a good pair of walking shoes because you’re going to do a whole lot of walking. According to the small pet demon who lives in Kim’s watch, we averaged about 20,000 to 24,000 steps a day, with my total on the lower end because my legs are longer than Kim’s. You do see the city that way.

11. Use the public transportation system. You learn much more about a place and the people who live there when you ride buses and subways than you ever will in an Uber. Rome has an excellent bus system that covers the whole city and runs frequently and mostly on time. It will take you from almost anywhere to almost anywhere, and GoogleMaps will guide you pretty much inerrantly to the bus you want (though whether it guides you to the bus stop you want is a different question entirely – be prepared to walk fast and/or retrace your steps sometimes). A ticket costs 1.5 euros and is good for 100 minutes so you can transfer to any other bus or the subway during that time. There are two subway lines – which, when you think about the archeological logistics of putting a subway line through a city that has been continually inhabited for nearly three thousand years, is pretty impressive – and the one time we tried it the ride was fast, clean, and trouble free. You don’t see as much as you do on a bus, but it is a lot faster.

12. Romans wear masks at all times indoors, and often outdoors as well. They are required on buses and subways. Covid vaccines are mandatory and you generally have to prove that you are vaccinated before you can enter businesses, restaurants, sporting events (when we went to a soccer game my vaccination status was checked by at least three different officials on the way in), and any historical site that has a monitored entrance. Get it as a QR code on your phone, but bring your CDC card as well since the Italian system doesn’t always recognize the American code. Italy was devastated by the pandemic when it first appeared and Italians know very well that “DON’T WANNA! CAN’T MAKE ME!” is not freedom but is instead the whine of a toddler. Grown-up freedom requires you to balance your rights as an individual against the legitimate demands of the society around you.

13. You will get used to ancient ruins pretty much everywhere you go – in neighborhoods, in parks, by the side of the road, everywhere. The new city grew up around the old one and the old one is still there. After a while you just think, “Oh, there’s another 2000-year-old Roman ruin” and you keep walking.

 

14. If there is a national fruit of Italy it would probably be the lemon. There are just so many lemon-flavored things there, from sodas to gelati to alcohol. As someone who loves lemons, this was a grand thing.

15. Learn the language. I did not do this, and I spent the week muddling through on “Prego,” “Scusi,” and whatever scraps I could remember from Anarita’s class my freshman year of college back in 1984. People were very kind and patient while I slowly figured out how to get close to what I wanted to say – I think they appreciated the effort, particularly the fact that I didn't just assume I could speak English and that would be enough – and eventually most of them did let me know they could speak at least a little English and we could work things out from there. But next time I go, I will be a bit more proficient.

16. I am not Italian. I am Italian-American. These are very different things.

17. When we were there the weather was fairly spring-like for Wisconsin – the highs ranged from 60-70F (15-21C) – but this is still rather chilly for a Mediterranean culture. You could always tell who was Italian and who was a tourist because the Italians a) were generally more stylish than the rest of us (what is it about them that they can do that even while dressing down?) and b) were wearing winter coats even as I was walking around in short sleeves.

18. This was the first long trip I have taken in the Empty Nest Era of my life. Oliver and Lauren were both still in the middle of their respective semesters, as our spring breaks did not align, so it was just me and Kim. There were, in other words, no small children. This meant that I did not need to pack my carry-on with vast stores of snacks for the flights, a fact that I did not discover until well after takeoff.