1. I check the stats for this blog periodically. I’d say that maybe 15% of the officially-recorded hits that Google tells me about these days are just referrer spam coming from porn sites, which is a significant total for a blog that features precisely zero NSFW photographs but so be it. The thing I’ve noticed about these sites is that they are surprisingly … umm … specific. Yeah, that’s the word I’m looking for. “Specific.” That’s … that’s a good word for it, yes. Yesterday’s winner was a site dedicated to “lesbian feet.” I had no idea that feet had sexual preferences, but you learn something new every day. Rule 34 is the driving force of the internet.
2. Apparently yesterday was also “Drive Like a Hypoglycemic Baboon Day” around here. I wish I had seen the memo before I got in the car. I would have planned ahead.
3. So far the new turkeys seem to be thriving. All six of them are still up and walking around, happily eating, drinking, and shitting in their own water supply. Seriously – domestic turkeys are the stupidest things on the planet, up to and including rocks. Amiable critters. But not bright. What kind of low-watt species actively pollutes their own drinking water?
4. You know what, forget I asked that.
5. Every year I give my talk on the Salem Witchcraft Hysteria to my friend’s anthropology class – a talk that I thoroughly enjoy giving – and every year it’s the same. I tell the students that nearly two dozen women and men were executed during the Hysteria and they just write it down. Then I tell them that the villagers at Salem also executed two dogs (on the grounds that they were witches’ familiars) and suddenly everyone turns into John Wick.
6. You can only eat unshelled peanuts outside, really.
7. I now have a “sleep wedge” in the fond hopes that it will make me less of a nuisance to others. It takes some getting used to. For one thing, I end up sliding down to the bottom over the course of the night. They don’t tell you about that in the instructions.
8. Yes, these things come with instructions. Everything in America comes with instructions, because some fool figured out how to kill himself with a pillow and every lawyer in a three-county radius tried to cash in and that’s why you see things like “do not use if product is actively engulfed in flames” printed on the label and still someone would try to sue anyway you just know that.
9. I have had my spring shearing. It was time. I no longer look like the High Sparrow, which is good because religious fanatics annoy me no end.
10. Soon there will be dentistry and medical examinations and with any luck I will be declared No Less Healthy Than Last Year and I can go back to my life and continue to slowly deteriorate in peace.