Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Swatting at the Trolls

The other night we were sitting around the dinner table, randomly discussing things the way we do when there is food on the table and no particular reason to be hurrying off, when one particular statement caught everyone's attention.  "It's a good thing we're at home and not on the web," we all thought.  "That could have been ugly."

Because there are things you should never say on the Internet.  Things that will inevitably bring hordes of rabid typists to your virtual front door with pitchforks, torches, and long angry diatribes punctuated by the rampant misuse of the caps-lock key.  Things that you should only say if you really, really want to kick the trolls and watch them swarm.

Things like …

1. You know, Bohemian Rhapsody really sucks.  I mean, what’s the deal with all those words?  TL:DNR.

2. Your an idiot!  Their is no hope for you!

3. Libertarianism?  What kind of morally bankrupt self-serving twaddle are you trying to push on me?

4. No, I never saw Firefly.  What is it – some kind of nature documentary?

5. But I hate cats!

6. Use the Force, Mr. Spock!

7. Of course the Civil War was about slavery.  Why else would the South commit treason on that scale?

8. Random apostrophes and quote mark’s make the language more “interesting.”

9. You don’t have the same attitude toward religion that I do, and therefore you must be stupid.

One of these statements was the one from our dinner - one that was said very much in jest.  Two others I have actually said online and meant.   Live dangerously, I suppose.

Off to make popcorn…


Janiece said...

I know which two were yours...does that mean I get a cookie?

David said...

For you, Janiece, sure. :)